Mirrors of the Sea Read online

  She stopped then, leaning against the wall, trying to control her sobbing breath, which came not only from physical exertion but also from the shock of seeing Titus there so unexpectedly. How could he be here? How could he? Ancient Greece wasn't his field. But then she realised what a stupid thought that was; even lecturers in Egyptology had to take holidays, didn't they? A holiday! On the ship! Alys's heart froze again. It couldn't be. Oh, no, please not that. But he might not be on the ship; it might just be coincidence that Titus was at Delphi at the same time as their group.

  Balling her hands into tight fists, Alys pressed them against her temples, trying to still her chaotic thoughts and fears, desperately trying to think logically. If he was just on holiday in the area then it didn't matter, she... Suddenly Alys remembered Gail Turnbull. She had called Titus by his name, which could only mean that he was also a passenger on the ship. Grimly recalling Gail's description yesterday evening of a 'divine man', Alys now knew who the other girl had seen. But she shook her head in perplexity; a cruise like this wasn't Titus's scene. He was much more likely to spend his summer vacation working on a dig in Egypt than sailing the Mediterranean with a shipload of near-geriatrics. Not unless he was paid to do it.

  With that thought everything suddenly fell into place. A lecturer who'd had to be replaced at the last minute, Aunt Louise's friend's so convenient broken ankle and her aunt's insistence that she couldn't travel alone, along with all the little things that had seemed odd but trivial at the time but now added up to make a very clear picture. Alys's body shook again, but this time from anger. How dared her aunt manipulate her life like this? Pushing herself off the wall, Alys strode along the path and through the ruins until she came to where her aunt still sat under the olive trees, waiting. When she saw Alys she got to her feet with a smile of greeting, but it quickly faded when she saw the fury in her niece's face.

  'How dare you?' Alys got out, her voice trembling with anger.

  But her aunt lifted her hand. 'Not here,' she said, so forcefully that Alys only then became aware of other passengers sitting in the shade and watching them with interest.

  'Let's walk this way, then, shall we?' Alys put a firm hand under her aunt's elbow and led her away from the others, walking too fast for the older woman but too angry to care, leading her along a path until they came out on to a rock platform above a stream.

  'This must be the Castalian Spring,' Louise remarked breathlessly, a hand to her chest.

  'I couldn't care less what it is,' Alys retorted. 'And please don't try to change the subject. I'd like to know just what right you think you have to play around with my life like this?'

  Louise sat down on a convenient rock, her back to the sun. 'None at all, I suppose.'

  'You knew Titus was going to be on this cruise and that's why you insisted I came along. Please don't try to make an even bigger fool of me by denying it.'

  'I am not trying to make a fool out of you, Alys. You know I would never do that. You are my favourite niece and I love you very much,' her aunt replied calmly.

  'Then why?' Alys spread her hands in a gesture of despair. 'Why do you want to hurt me like this?'

  'Does it still hurt so much, then—even after so long?'

  Alys stared down at her aunt, the question forcing her to admit that the feelings she had tried so hard to conquer were so shallowly buried that they had immediately overpowered her the moment she had seen Titus again. She turned away, looking blindly up at the cave-strewn cliff behind them, gold in the sunlight. 'Yes,' she said huskily. 'I think it will always hurt.'

  'Then don't you think ‑?'

  But Alys had swung round. 'I don't want to discuss this. I'm going to the ship to collect my things and then I'm going home to England by the first plane.' And she began to stride back along the path.

  'Coward!'

  The vehemently spoken word was caught up by the cliff and echoed along the gorge. Alys tried to ignore it but it seemed to hammer into her brain. She stopped, her hands balled into fists, but didn't turn round.

  'I thought you had more courage than to run away,' her aunt added shortly.

  Slowly Alys turned, trying hard to control herself. 'It is not a question of running away. I already did that nearly two years ago. Now I just want to forget—forget the past and get on with my life.'

  'But you're not, are you?'

  Alys bit her lip. 'Please, I don't want to talk about this. I ‑'

  'Well, I think it's high time you did,' her aunt responded stoutly. Getting to her feet, she came and took hold of Alys's arm, noticed her clenched fists. 'My dear child,' she said gently, 'look at yourself. Just seeing Titus has turned you into a nervous wreck. How can you get on with your life when your emotions are still so involved in the past?'

  'Are you trying to get us back together; is that it?' Alys demanded harshly. 'Because I can tell you now that ‑'

  'No, that was not my intention,' Louise said firmly. 'But I think it's high time you got Titus out of your system once and for all. But you're never going to do that unless you face up to it—face him. Unless you meet someone else and fall hopelessly in love again, of course. But that's highly unlikely while you're still brooding about the past and shutting yourself away in a girls' school. You even go on holidays with other women,' her aunt said disapprovingly.

  'Being married—having a man—doesn't have to be every girl's aim in life. Not nowadays. You can have a very fulfilling life without them.' She glanced at her spinster aunt and added on a slightly malicious note, 'You should know that.'

  'I suppose I deserve that,' Aunt Louise said stiffly. 'But my fiancé was killed, as you very well know.'

  'But you never looked for anyone else. You never wanted anyone after him; I remember you telling me that.'

  'That's so,' Louise admitted. She drew Alys back to the rocks, made smooth by countless feet, and they sat down. Behind them the spring that fed the brook burbled and sang as it splashed over the stones, as it had done for thousands of years. Apart from the stream it was very still and quiet; everyone else had gone down to the museum and they had the place to themselves. 'I was completely devastated when my fiancé died,' Louise went on. 'I grieved for him very deeply, but he was dead and nothing would bring him back. And at least I knew that we had been happy together and nothing had marred that. With you and Titus it's very different.'

  Ignoring Alys's sound of protest, she went on firmly, 'You parted from Titus on bad terms, your emotions in turmoil. I don't think you've got over that.'

  You can say that again, Alys thought with inward bitterness. But it had been much worse than her aunt had described. Her emotions had been raw, bleeding, after that terrible fight. So bad that she couldn't bear to stay. And once she'd left, even when she'd had time to realise how desperately she missed and needed Titus, there had been no going back. She had been too proud, too hurt, for that, and Titus far too unbending to beg her to go back to him, even if he'd wanted her, which was highly unlikely as he hadn't attempted to get in touch with her even once since she'd walked out on him, Alys remembered drearily.

  'I know that it's been very difficult for you and that you've tried very hard,' Aunt Louise said. 'I saw you struggling with yourself and my heart ached for you. I hoped you would get over him in time, but I saw you cut yourself off more and more, and I knew that you hadn't. So when I received the notification that Titus was taking the place of one of the other lecturers on the very cruise Helen and I had booked for, well—it seemed a heaven-sent opportunity for you to come to terms with yourself one way or the other.'

  'What do you mean?'

  'You'll either realise he's the only man in the world for you, that you've lost him and that you have that to live with, or you'll find that he isn't important to you any more and that you can now forget him and start living properly again.'

  'If only it were that simple,' Alys said despairingly. 'You don't know what you're asking. I can't go through with this.'

  'I think you must, for y
our own sake. You've changed a lot since you left him, Alys. You used to be so light-hearted, so full of life. I would give a great deal to see you happy again.'

  'It won't work! It will just reopen old wounds. It's over. Done with. Can't you see that?'

  'I see just the opposite.' Her aunt gripped her arm. 'You have got to exorcise him from your heart once and for all. Otherwise you'll grow bitter and mean-spirited, your life ruined by your one mistake of falling in love with the wrong man. Face him, Alys. Try to look at him with your eyes and not your heart. Let him go.'

  'And if I can't?'

  'Then try to remember only the happy times. Hold them to your heart and let the bad times fade away. Remember the man you loved and not the man you hate. Have you the courage to do that, my dear?'

  'I don't know. I may just jump overboard.'

  Her aunt smiled. 'Oh, no, you're not that kind of coward; you've already proved that.'

  Her thoughts going back to the weeks she'd spent at her aunt's house after she'd left Titus, Alys only now realised that Louise had never left her alone in the house, had insisted that she came and sat with her, and that the key of the bathroom had mysteriously disappeared. 'You took better care of me than I knew,' she said huskily, touching the older woman's freckled hand.

  'I didn't want to lose you. I still don't—not even to bitterness.'

  Alys looked into Aunt Louise's steady grey eyes for a long, long moment, then gave a deep sigh and nodded. 'All right. I'll try.'

  'Good.' Louise got briskly to her feet. 'Now can we go and get a drink? I've talked myself dry!'

  She began to walk back along the path to the Sanctuary and Alys fell in beside her. 'What would you have done if I'd refused to go back to the ship?' she asked wryly.

  'You couldn't have done; the purser has your passport and I made him promise not to let you have it back until the end of the cruise.'

  Alys gave an indignant gasp, then laughed reluctantly. 'And your friend Helen; wasn't she upset about missing her holiday?'

  'No, because I've already booked for another cruise in September that we'll both enjoy.'

  Something in her tone made Alys look at her keenly and then say, 'You knew I'd be angry. And you knew that I could easily make the trip unbearable for you, yet you were willing to do it for my sake.'

  Her aunt nodded. 'And now I think that you're going to go through with it largely for my sake.'

  They came to the point where the path joined the Sacred Way and Alys braced her shoulders. 'With any luck we'll find that Titus has decided to jump ship instead,' she said sardonically.

  'Is he a coward, then?'

  Alys shook her head without even thinking about it. 'No, never.'

  'Then he'll stay,' her aunt said with confidence.

  It was a long walk down to the museum and the sun was much hotter now, so they took it slowly. Glancing back at the ruins climbing the hill, Alys knew that in future Delphi would mean only one thing to her: Titus's figure walking out from the darkness into the sun, out of the past into the present. And the future? Alys pushed that thought out of her mind. I'll take each moment as it comes, she thought. But I won't hide myself away in the cabin, much as I'd like to. I've promised Aunt Lou I'll face this and I'll keep the promise—somehow, somehow.

  The museum was a modern building of cement and glass, making no concessions to the age of its artefacts or the beauty of its surroundings. Though comparatively small in size, it housed some of the most beautiful objects ever found, especially the life-sized bronze statue of a charioteer. But Alys only looked at the exhibits unseeingly, her senses on edge for any sign of Titus. He came out of the room leading to that housing the charioteer just as they were about to enter it, so that it was impossible to pretend that she hadn't seen him. And he would know for sure now that it had been her at the stadium.

  Taking a deep breath, Alys put a warning hand under her aunt's elbow before glancing up at him and coming to a stop. Titus, too, stood still. If he had been shocked to see her he had got over it by now and she could read nothing in the quick look she gave him, but there was a grimly sardonic note in his voice as he said, 'Hello, Alys. What a surprise.'

  'Yes, isn't it?' Even to Alys's own ears her voice sounded stilted and unnatural. 'Are you—are you on the cruise?'

  'Yes. I'm one of the lecturers.'

  'Oh. I hadn't realised.'

  'No, I was sure you couldn't have done,' Titus said with open irony.

  Her eyes swung to meet his then and found in them cool contempt. Trying fiercely to stay calm, Alys tightened her grip on her poor aunt's arm as she pulled her forward. 'I don't think you've met my aunt, Miss Norris. I'm here as her—sort of companion. This is Titus Irvine,' she introduced. 'I—er—met him while I was at college.'

  'How do you do?' Aunt Lou shook hands with Titus and managed a smile, but they were blocking the doorway and people wanted to pass, so that they had only time to nod at each other before they had to move out of the way.

  She and Alys went into the next room but Alys didn't even bother to look at the famous statue; she kept glancing over her shoulder into the previous room to make sure Titus hadn't turned round to look at her, but he strode straight out of the building.

  'Would you please let go of my arm now?' Aunt Lou begged. 'He's gone and you're hurting me.'

  'Oh, sorry.' Alys gave her a contrite look. 'I'm treating you rather roughly today, aren't I?'

  'It's quite understandable.' She gave Alys an encouraging smile. 'Well, you're over the first and worst hurdle. It wasn't so bad, was it?'

  'No,' Alys lied, and gave a mental shudder. She had hoped against hope that Titus would greet her with calm indifference, proving that their relationship had been forgotten. He would never just ignore her, she knew that; Titus had never sulked. But she had never expected such open contempt, such a sign that he, too, hadn't forgotten the past. What chance was there now of her aunt's hope that they could bury their differences? More than ever Alys wanted to run away and hide, but it was too late now; she had no choice but to see it through.

  'Do you really want to look at these broken statues?' she demanded tersely.

  Aunt Louise gave a small sigh, but said obligingly, 'No, of course not. Do you want to go back to the ship?'

  'Yes, please.'

  'All right, but I would like to buy a guide book and some postcards.'

  She made her purchases and they walked out to where the line of coaches were waiting to collect them, the cruise director standing to count the passengers as each bus was filled and left. They were in time to see Gail Turnbull walk up to the coach that Titus was just about to board. He politely stood back for her to get on first and she addressed some laughing remark to him as she did so.

  'What has she done with her mother?' Aunt Lou wondered.

  'Abandoned her, by the look of it. She's only just coming out of the museum.'

  They watched Mrs Gilbert look round for Gail then give a resigned shrug and make her way to the waiting line of passengers. Aunt Lou, followed by Alys, immediately went back to talk to her, making all the usual small talk about the site they'd just visited.

  'This is my first visit, but Gail has been here before, of course,' Mrs Gilbert explained by way of excusing her daughter's absence.

  The two older women began to chat and Alys let them get in front of her. Titus's coach left and they boarded the next one, Alys insisting that the two ladies stay together while she took the seat behind them. Thankfully no one came to sit next to her and she was able to gaze out of the window, wondering what Titus was thinking now. Her biggest, most agonising fear was that he would think this too much of a coincidence and that she had engineered the whole thing just to see him again. But if she'd wanted to do that there were easier ways of arranging an accidental meeting than going to the length of booking the same cruise. Alys fervently hoped he would reason that way, but Titus was very astute; she couldn't be sure that he hadn't guessed the truth. Maybe that explained the contempt in his
eyes. And if he thought that then no amount of argument would make him believe it had all been her aunt's doing, that she hadn't known he was on board until she'd seen him in the stadium.

  What would his attitude be towards her once they were back on the ship? Alys wondered. Would he go out of his way to avoid her? She certainly hoped so. And it looked as if Gail had latched on to him, which would make it easier; he could give his attention to the other girl whenever Alys was around. It would be a strange sensation, watching him with another woman, smiling and talking with her, making her feel good, the way he had once been with her. From the moment they had met he had made her feel very special, had never looked at another woman. Alys had believed she was the only woman he had ever wanted, the only person he had ever loved, the girl he had been waiting to meet all his life. She had felt so safe in his love, cocooned by it, uplifted by its purity. And she in turn had loved Titus to the point of adoration and worship. He had been perfect in her eyes, which was probably why it had come as such a tremendous blow when he had finally told her about his past.

  And what should her attitude to him be? That was an even bigger worry; she had no control over Titus's behaviour but she did over her own. Well, whatever she did she mustn't make it look as if she wanted to see him, talk to him. She must play it very cool, not ignore him of course, but show him that she was completely over him, that he meant nothing to her any more. She must be—indifferent, yes, that was the word. That must be her mantra. And with luck and determination she might live from hour to hour, day to day, and eventually, in what seemed the long-distant future, get through the next two weeks. But whether she would have purged Titus from her heart by then, as her aunt hoped, Alys very much doubted.